Eavesdropping

Wednesday 26/11/2008 6.10pm, the number 10 bus to the West End of Newcastle

Just as we are driving past the Powerhouse..

“See that place like”

“aye”

“well yer kna it’s a gay club en that?”

“haha aye”

“wull they play canny tunes up stairs and that, ye kna dance stuff like thee dee at the Ikon”

“arr reet aye”

“wull me and a few of the lads Knoxy n Kev n that went doon there the other week leek to check it out like un thu woodunt let wus in like”

“huh huh whys that like?”

“wull a reckon its wuz cos there woz aboot 10 of wuh an that and al wearing ya kna like stripey tops und the like, ye kna like Lacoste and Paul n Shark”

“ya gannin oot stuff then?”

“well aye man smart as a dart ya kna to you or me. So anyways im guessing the doorman wuz thinking ‘nah no way like this lot are bother’, I suppose a few of wuh had Rockports and that on but I divvent even wear mine al that often, a mean mine aren’t even worn at the back so ye kna I’ve anly worn em a few times leek”

“arrr reet”

“a mean av got nay boffaz wif ‘the gays’ and them ‘puffs’ or nowt, I just heard Cascada pumping oot and fancied a dance ya kna?”

“aye totally like aye”

“so I was like ‘hew man gaffa, I’m not gay but me boyfriend is!! Hahaha”

“HAW HAW WHAT A RAW NEE WAY HAW HAW GERRIN!!”

Tourist

A good friend of mine Geoff Leopard and his loveable sidekick Moogar have started a blog to support Geoff’s new night ‘Tourist’ and apart from information on upcoming nights the blog also promises to feature regular musings on ‘tits & gack’.
The first event is this Friday at the Cosmic Ballroom and features the talents of the excellent Justin Robertson, Midfield General and In flagranti with support from Tony Daly and Geoff himself. The night promises to encompass a range of styles and genres from disco to techno and everything in between.

TOURIST:: COSMIC BALLROOM:: 21/11/2008:: 1030.pm -4am

White Dog Poo

Its one of those childhood memories that has seemed to have stuck with me just like eating spaghetti bolognaise at my Grandparents house every Saturday night or following episodes of Dungeons and Dragons and the Racoon's like a religion. You too may have come to realise that white dog poo is a sight rarely seen on the streets these days and I for one had always wondered why.
Back in those long hazy days in the summer making weapons out of sticks I often stumbled across the chalky shit left by all kinds of dogs around where I lived both large and small. So what changed? I short bit of research on Google revealed I was not the only one pondering this mystery and it seems the legend of white chod has quite a following.

A few members of the public offer their explanation:

“We don't feed our dogs bones as often as we used too, so as it was the consumption of the bones that made the poo white we no longer have white poo. I suppose the good side is you won't accidentally pick one up thinking it's a stone.”

-Gordon Williams, Middlesbrough, England

“White dog poo is usually due to a blockage of the bile duct, which prevents the brown pigment (stercobilin) travelling through it and colouring the faeces so one explanation is possibly a reduction in the incidence of this particular disease or due to better veterinary care, or due to the fact that nowadays owners recognise this is a problem and see vets quicker about it. Or due to the fact that nowadays owners are threatened with a fine if they don't clean up their dog's poo so there is a possiblity that there still is the same amount of white dog poo, but now it is all in bins around the country! “

-Paul Salmon, Edinburgh, Scotland

“We bought our beloved hound a large bone from the local butcher's the other week. She's never had one before so needless to say it went down very well. Imagine our surprise when her business later showed itself to be pale and chalky (in colour if not consistency). I can only imagine that treating the family dog to a juicy bone has declined in recent years.”

-Geoff Bryant, Sheffield, UK

“I've seen this answered somewhere before (possibly Focus magazine or New Scientist). Apparently, it is because the white colouring is due to be invaded by spores as the excrement has been there for some time. The explanation being that nowadays, it is cleaned away from the pavements quicker, so does not generally lie around long enough for the spores to invade.”

-P Gilson, Doncaster S Yorkshire

“Dog poo should be white: the whiteness comes from the calcium in bones that dogs eat. If we see white dog poo less rarely perhaps it is because dog owners feed their dogs on dry or canned food and hardly ever give them bones to gnaw on. My dogs eat bones regularly; my local butcher gives me the bones for free! “

-David Wheeler, Spalding, Lincolnshire

“I am actually a collector of white dog poo - I have over 300 samples but have indeed found it harder to add to my collection over the past year or so. “

-Daniel Himsworth, Sevenoaks UK

“I still vividly remember getting told off by my mother as a young child (I'm now 46) for writing on the wall by our house with the white 'chalk' I had found. I couldn't understand why she rushed me indoors to wash my hands. "I was only playing!".

-Clive Thornton, Bristol, UK

And so the the disappearance of white dog poo is down to what dogs eat these days. I had always thought some disgruntled employee at Pedigree had sabotaged one of the vats of tripe with chalk or white colouring to leave his mark on the streets. The reason being he knew that dogs up and down the country would unwittingly paste his pearly white tag on street corners and lampposts across the land, sort of like graffiti but better.